Wedding Etiquette

At first I was so much in shock

I thought I must be dreaming

Reality then hit me

As your nostrils started streaming

The slimy sneeze upon my face

Was clear to behold

The wedding guests around me

All began to swat and scold

“I do detest and protest

Of your vile behaviour

If you don’t stop, I’ll vomit up

So please; do me a favour.”

Your dignity in tatters

Your reputation shot

I started to unstick myself

From your phlegmliscious snot

But then from out of nowhere

(One desires to consider)

There breathed a dirty sound

As soon a stench you summoned hither

With gale force persuasion

I was blasted off my seat

I couldn’t comprehend

How the rest could sit and eat

My arm is gently grasped

As I am helped off the floor

Who should it be my poor eyes meet

All swollen and sore?

As you and I stand face to face

I step into a squelch

And out your mouth come no words

But a bristling, booming belch

I’m startled and I show it

But I must swallow my pride

She may not follow etiquette

But she is still my bride!

© Ben Cotton








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